What Causes Fear of Intimacy

Having fear of intimacy is one of the reasons why many women are single. They do flirt, develop relationships but these relationships normally don't last long.

Many of these women attract the wrong type of partners. They go for guys who are unavailable, abusive or have trust issues. Once they begin to develop some closeness or start to get intimate, they become uncomfortable, look for flaws, aren't willing to tell how they really feel and become aloof.

Subconsciously they avoid being emotionally attached and committed to anyone. They are afraid of being hurt, losing their autonomy, self control and personal space. So they sabotage the relationships.

The fears of physical and emotional intimacy are deeply rooted. Most women who went through traumatic or abusive childhood, were controlled or suffered immense pain carry emotional scars of hurts and wounds with them into their adulthood.

Some of the signs that you have fear or intimacy are the incapability to trust your partner, reluctant to connect mentally and emotionally and show your affection, afraid of rejection, disapproval or being dependent and being overly defensive or secretive.

Overcoming Fear of Intimacy

Do a self diagnosis or go through a self discovery exercise.

Take a look at your past relationships. Whom do you get involved with and what were the reasons that have caused you to breakup each time. Look at the patterns. Did you dump him because you were afraid that he would do it sooner or later? Were you afraid that he'll hurt you and so you decided that you'll back away? How did you feel when the relationships were over? Did you feel a sense of relief?

Be honest with yourself and ask more thought provoking questions. The purpose is to dig deep inside you and find out the actual reason for your fear of intimacy and to know what you are really afraid of so that you can deal with it.


Someone in your past have hurt you badly, abandoned, rejected or neglected you. But that happened in the past. You are an adult now and are wiser. You should know how to differentiate the past from the present.

Forgive the person or people who have caused you pain. This is one of the best ways for you deal with your fear of intimacy and move on with your life. Start fresh and expect that those whom you'll meet are trustworthy and have good intentions.

Learn to open up and remove the invisible walls.

Being in love, talking about love and feelings and giving and receiving affection will make you feel ecstatic. Be vulnerable and take some risks. Don't be afraid to fall in love again and show your desire for intimate relationship and physical closeness. Once you've built the proximity and emotional connection, continue to open up and share your thoughts and feelings and enjoy the feeling of togetherness.

It'll help if both of you talk about your personal values, principles, goals and passion. Both of you will know what's important and your priorities and avoid misunderstandings about what each of you stands for.

Build trust.

Trust is one of the most important requirements for a successful relationship. The possibility of being cheated is present but the chances are reduced if first and foremost you trust and respect yourself. This means you believe that you make good judgments, trust your intuitions, are honest, optimistic and expect the best from people and situations and know that you are being guided.

Develop a considerable amount of self esteem and self confidence.

Your fear of rejection and the need for approval arise because you have low self esteem and lack self confidence. Believe that you are a worthy person and deserve to love and be loved. Replace negative self talks with positive affirmations. Create a mental image of yourself as being confident, assertive and self assured and act that way.

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Fear of Intimacy 
I have recently been investigating Emotional Intimacy online, because I am a 32 year old woman and have never had a boyfriend. and have only had 5 dates. …

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I met someone who is nice to talk to. I am somewhat attracted to him, but he is 51 and I am 36. So logically I do not want to allow myself to get attached …

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