Fear of Abandonment

It's possible that you have the fear of abandonment or abandonment issues if you've been involved in serial monogamy. It's when you go through a succession of short monogamous relationships. You would find a reason to sabotage your relationship. You may initiate a new one. And you are the one who will walk out of each, most of the time.

That is only one of the few symptoms of being afraid that your partner will reject, betray or dump you and leave you all alone.

When you are in a relationship, you may face some trust issues. You distrust, doubt and are suspicious of your partner. You check on him too often on pretext that you are concerned. And you get uptight if he doesn't do the same or answer your calls. You are bothered if he doesn't demonstrate that he cares, fearing that he has another object of interest in his mind.

Being too clingy is another sign of the fear of abandonment. You lavish him with your full attention. You submit and do things to make him notice that you are attached physically and emotionally to the relationship. You try to make him belief that there's no reason for him to desert you.

A common mistake that almost everyone with the fear of abandonment do is using emotional blackmail. You'll use threats to make him forget about the idea of leaving you. The "If you give up on me me then I'll ..." is used as a weapon. You demand for loyalty, love and affection or you would clam up or hurt yourself.

And you need continuous reassurance. He has to keep on telling and showing you that he loves you. He has to be there when you need him. You expect him to put you on top of his priority list. The pressures and expectations that you give him will make him feel suffocated and he may emotionally distance himself. Or choose to walk off.

Many women, and men, exercise conditional love because there is a deep rooted fear that they might lose the person they love if they don't hold on tightly. The causes of abandonment issues are normally rooted in childhood.

An example is when, even now that you are an adult, you still can feel the emotional pain when you remember how your father abandoned your mom and how you were affected then. Without your realization, you will create something to ruin your relationship so that you won't have to go through that pain again.

In overcoming the fear of abandonment here are some suggestions:-

  1. Acknowledgement and acceptance are great ways to start with in dealing with your abandonment issues. People can show you that you have all the abandonment symptoms and tell you that you have a problem. But unless you recognize and admit, there's nothing anyone can do to help you.

  2. You must want to heal yourself and release the emotional pains. If you just acknowledge but don't want to take action, then you shouldn't complain that you have hard luck with relationships and are always unlucky in love.

  3. Spend some alone time to contemplate and be by yourself. Try to enjoy the time and personal space you have with no one even if you have nothing to do.

  4. Ponder about what it is that bothers you or what it is that you are actually afraid of. Ask yourself some questions such as, "What's the worst thing that could happen if ...?" Here's another one. What's the best thing that can happen?"

  5. Work on improving your self-esteem. When you have low self-esteem, it will make you become needy, clingy and develop irrational jealousy. You will sabotage your chances to feel and be loved.

  6. Learn to ask for what you want from others and don't demand. When you are in the early stages of a new relationship, communicate a lot and talk and share about personal values upfront. It's easier when both of you know and agree on the expectations in the relationship.

  7. Try emotional freedom technique or the tapping solution to remove your emotional baggage.

  8. Seek professional help if your fear of abandonment is badly affecting your life and has been making you lose your sense of self.

Share Your Experiences, Tips And Suggestions

What was your experience like? Share it! What tips and suggestions do you wish to offer?

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