Friends With Benefits Relationship
Friends with benefits or fwb, is also known, among other names, as casual relationship, more than friends or bed buddies.
Relationship categories used to be straightforward: There were friends, boyfriends and husbands. In today's world of casual sex, flings, hook-ups and one-night-stands, however, this is the new, in-between category.
Although friends with benefits has probably been around in one form or another since the dawn of time, it's only in the last twenty years or so that this specific term has emerged, and the institution has become, somewhat, socially acceptable. If you're considering entering into this relationship, this article will outline the pros and cons, conduct and tips on how to do it right, and if necessary, how to break it off.
Basically, this occurs between two friends or acquaintances who agree to have sex, but not enter into a romantic relationship. Although there is definitely mutual attraction and may also be flirting and mutual affection, there is no expectation of love, romance, commitment, or monogamy.
Pros of FWB
If you enter into a friends with benefits arrangement in the hope that sex will make it grow into a romantic relationship, the odds are against you. Less than 10% of friends with benefits situations turn into romantic relationships.
Friends with Benefits Conduct, Rules and Tips
First, choose your friend to benefit carefully. Not everyone can handle it. Choose someone who can separate sex from love, contrary to popular belief, not all men can do this. Find someone with a history of casual dating rather than a string of serious relationships. Select someone who is a non-romantic, a realist about sex, love, and marriage, perhaps someone who is a little jaded about relationships. Finally, make sure they're not the jealous, possessive, or territorial type.
Second, don't ever pressure, coerce, or manipulate someone into being a friend with benefits. That will almost certainly spell disaster in the end. Suggest the idea, and if they're hesitant or reluctant, drop it. If they're open to it, move on to the next step.
Third, set some ground rules and boundaries. It's extremely important that you both be on the same page about the nature of your new relationship. A lot of friends with benefits relationships end badly, and this may be because in 73% of such relationships, no ground rules were ever established. That can make things confusing, awkward, and uncomfortable.
What are you willing to do and not do? Are you just friends who sleep together, or are you open to more developing? Are you going to be open or discrete about your sexual relationship? Can you date or sleep with other people? How would one of you let the other know that you wanted to stop having sex? Do you plan to still be friends afterward? What would cause the arrangement to end?
For example, establish that if one of you starts dating someone else serious, the friends with benefits arrangement ends instantly. This may seem like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many people expect a friends with benefits arrangement to continue despite relationships with other people.
Be honest, and tell him what you expect from the situation. If you have no intention of ever dating him seriously, make that clear. On the other hand, if you're hoping a friends with benefits situation might develop into a serious relationship, make that clear too. He might decide not to do the friends with benefits thing at that point, leaving you feeling embarrassed, rejected, and hurt, but it's just a shadow of the hurt you would feel if you had that discussion after sleeping together for a year. Keep up open and honest communication through the benefit period of your friendship, especially about you feel about the situation.
Fourth, stick to the ground rules you set. Only break the rules if you both agree to change the nature of your relationship.
Fifth, unless you've both agreed to be open about your sexual relationship, be discreet. Act like "just friends" in public. Flirting is okay, especially if you've always done that, but avoid public displays of affection like kissing or intimate touching. Don't broadcast the nature of your friendship and definitely don't brag about it. Doing so may surprise, embarrass and anger your friend.
Sixth, don't be territorial, jealous, or possessive. Remember, the nature of a friends with benefits arrangement is that it is non-committed and non-monogamous. Your friend with benefits is free to flirt, date and have casual sex with other people. If you feel jealous when he does so, then maybe you should end the friends with benefits arrangement.
How to End Friends with Benefits Relationship
A lot of friends with benefits arrangements wind down and peter out by themselves after a few months. As friends grow apart, move away, or start dating other people, first the sex and then the friendship trails off without anyone ever coming out and saying that it's over.
Just as common, however, is a friends with benefits arrangement that, for whatever reason, you want to stop but are unable to. You still want to be friends with him, but don't want to have sex together anymore. Yet no matter how many times you tell him this, you still seem to end up in bed together again and again. Ending a friends with benefits relationship like this can be extremely difficult.
The trick is to not make yourself available to him. You may have told him you want to stop having sex, but he still tries to seduce you, and your resistance inevitably falls to his charms. But this can only happen if you're alone together, and the opportunity presents itself. Therefore, make sure it doesn't.
For awhile at least, don't hang out with him alone, end especially not at either of your homes. The opportunity for sex drastically reduced without the convenience of the bedroom being just down the hall. Instead, meet in public places with lots of other people, preferably some of your friends to lend you strength. Even in such situations, try to avoid being alone with him. Decline all invitations to go back to his place or yours. Make up excuses if you have to. Don't drink heavily around him, as it will reduce your resolve and inhibitions.
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