Are You in a Controlling Relationship
Do you know what it feels like to be in a controlling relationship? You will feel stifled. You will feel manipulated. You will lose your autonomy. And you will want to break free.
This is one of the reasons why some women would rather stay single. It's better to be happily single than being with a partner who wants to exert his power and control over everything.
If you have never dated a controlling man, it's a good idea that you try to avoid one for your own peace of mind. Once you are in a relationship with a dominating and controlling partner, you will find it difficult to walk out because he will not easily let you go.
Here are several indications of controlling behaviors and personalities and signs of a controlling relationship.
He makes the decisions
One of the signs is he will decide what you should order for dinner. You may think it's romantic that he knows your taste of food. But if he does it on your second and third date and tells you what he thinks is good for you to eat, take heed. As your relationship develops, he will make other decisions in your life like what you should or shouldn't wear, how you should behave and what you should spend your money on.
He criticizes your taste in everything including your appearance and lifestyle. He may not offer any suggestions but just show his disapproval and put you down. He thinks that you aren't good enough. As time goes by, he may disapprove your friends. He will tell you to limit your association with your best friends saying that they are bad influence.
He is overprotective and jealous
Controlling men will want you to think that they are protecting you for your own good. But if he checks on you incessantly and wants to know where you are, what you are doing and with whom, those aren't signs of a caring attitude. If he starts to stop you from going out unless he accompanies you, he is trying to gain control in the relationship.
He gives you the silent treatment
Another sign of a controlling relationship is if he gives you the silent treatment to show his disapproval. Instead of communicating and talk about differences, he will keep his distance emotionally to indicate that he is angry or upset. He will feel more in control if you try to break his silence. But if you start to show that you have self-control, then it would spark a power struggle in your relationship.
Abuse can come in several forms. One of the most common is using verbal abuse. He would use vulgar, offensive and insulting words, sometimes adding expletives. He will try to put you down and humiliate you if he gets the chance. The obvious kind is physical abuse or using violence.
Your opinions don't matter
He thinks he is always right and knows the truth even if you know that he is wrong. To him you aren't smart enough to offer an opinion. He speaks on your behalf and answers for you.
He blames you if something goes wrong
Everything that goes wrong in your relationship seems to be your fault even if it is his. He expects you to concur and make amends, change your attitude or behavior.
He manipulates your feelings
He may use emotional blackmail to make you stay on with him. He may threaten to hurt himself if you choose not to. When he realizes that you are upset or angry, he will treat you well so that you will change your opinion about him. Once he senses that you are drawn back to him, he will try to exert his control again.
If you are already in a controlling relationship, you'll have to make a decision whether to work on it and try to improve or to break away. But since you aren't tied up, it's better to move on and leave the controlling relationship behind.
Both men and women have the tendencies to show their dominance and power or become victims in controlling relationships. It's unlikely that controlling people will change unless they admit their weakness and make a firm decision to do so or they decide to seek professional help.
If you happen to have these controlling behaviors, it's advisable that you try to change your attitude. You will have a better chance of developing a lasting and meaningful relationship if there's understanding, give and take and mutual respect.
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